What causes fear of being alone?

Men and women feel lonely or fear being alone for many different reasons. Loneliness is a very natural and common response to divorce or the breakup of any relationship.

It’s then about the loss of a particular person, as well as the loss of associated activities and events. It’s also a natural response to things like the death or absence of a loved one, the birth of a child, and a major life event.

More importantly, loneliness is common in long term relationships where there is some degree of anger or resentment or where there is little intimate communication.

And an intense fear of being alone can also be the product of many different stimuli and situations. If you were physically abandoned, or emotionally abandoned, or even if you just felt that you were, as a child, you may associate being alone with being unloved or neglected.

And if, perhaps as a result of this, you lack of self-confidence, you may believe that nothing can be enjoyed or even attempted without a companion.

Or perhaps you just never discovered you could be comfortable when you are on your own. But this can be changed, because what has been learned can always be unlearned or, more accurately, altered.

You can learn how to be alone and yet not be lonely, which will mean you can choose freely whether to be with other people or not without feeling anxious.

To overcome your fear of being alone is not difficult, and the rewards are immense. You will be much more independent and confident; if you’re alone you’ll be able to think calmly and enjoy a peace and quiet which can make time spent with others even more enjoyable.  Being alone is not the same as being lonely!

Treatment of Fear Of Being Alone

Instead of seeing loneliness or fear of being alone as something unchangeable, or as an aspect of personality which cannot be changed, you can start by deciding what you wish to replace it!

And remember that the fear of being alone is a common experience: apparently 25% of all adults experience painful loneliness once every few weeks, and adolescents and college students find it even more of a problem.

Yet loneliness is not permanent, and it’s not in itself “bad”: it is really a signal of which of your needs that are going unmet.

So that’s the next step – find out what you are missing, what your fear of being alone means, and make a plan to put something in place to help you feel more confident.

Of course, dealing with the anxiety, or fear if you prefer, associated with your fear of being alone is very important. Traditional therapy may be helpful, but can be long lasting and somewhat tedious. Newer alternatives include shadow work, which can produce fast results and long lasting changes.

Autophobia

People who need to be surrounded by other people at all times, the sort who like to go to parties, to be with friends all the time, and demand attention from their loved ones, are sufferers from ‘fear of being alone’.

This is not to say that those who feel comfortable in the company of others are all sufferers. But those who cannot bear to be alone, those who can’t exist without people about them, those who have irrational fear and panic attacks when alone, these are the sufferers from fear of being alone, or ‘autophobia’.

The medical dictionary definition is ‘an abnormal and persistent fear of loneliness’. Sufferers from autophobia may experience anxiety even though they realize that solitude does not threaten their well-being.

They may worry about being ignored or unloved, and their worries may develop into fears of intruders, strange noises or the possibility of encroaching illness. These are some of the physiological symptoms that sufferers experience when left alone:

•  The patient shudders or shakes, sometimes violently.
• There are symptoms of sweating, dry mouth, rapid heartbeat and/or nausea.
• There is an inability to speak or think clearly, or a distancing from reality or an anxiety attack.
• The patient cannot breathe properly or has asthma like symptoms.
• There is a sudden or irrational fear of being about to die at any moment.
• The victims of this phobic condition lack confidence.
• They are unable to stay alone anywhere or any time.
• They can suffer harmful panic attacks.

If you are a victim of autophobia, you might wonder how this particular phobia developed. It may be the case that when you were a child your parents locked you in a room as a punishment and consequently you underwent a trauma. It may have been some other similar incident when you were trapped or isolated alone.

Now, to get rid of that past unpleasant memory, you avoid being alone all the time. This phobia prevents you from going alone to an isolated place and you always crave busy streets, public places and markets. And it can turn out to be much worse than just fear.

Most people want to enter a relationship because they don’t want to be lonely. However, when the basis of a relationship is fear, as is often the case for sufferers of autophobia, the bond between the partners is likely to be unhappy and unfulfilling in the long run. Autophobia can be treated – but be careful.

There are many drugs or pharmaceutical products on the market, either off the shelf or by prescription. However, these so-called cures are not always effective. They have side effects and cannot guarantee a permanent cure of the condition.

The best and most effective course of action, in my experience, is cognitive therapy, which along with other forms of therapeutic treatment, are the only sure cures for autophobia.

The fear of being alone does have a terrible impact on people and their families. However, in most cases the problem can easily be treated with therapy and patience.